I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake

Khushi packed her bags to leave. She couldn’t do this anymore.

His words…her destruction.

Not anymore, no! She wouldn’t give him that power over her. Never again!

She pushed her clothes messily into one of the bags her buaji had brought her clothes in. She had kept them in the cupboard all this time, maybe subconsciously knowing that no matter how good things were, it would someday be over.

Because he couldn’t love irrevocably and she? She signed over her life for the one she loved.

I’m wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I’m wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I’m wide awake
And now it’s clear to me
That everything you see
Ain’t always what it seems
I’m wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

He raced back home. He had to make amends. He had run his damn mouth again, and this time he might have done irreparable damage.

He saw her packing her bags and panicked.

“Khushi?” he yelled. “What the hell are you doing? Why are you packing?”

She looked at him with angry eyes, devoid of the usual tears he saw in them. This was not good!

She didn’t cry now, because she had spent enough time mourning the loss of what she dreamed.

“Khushi? Listen, I am sorry! I didn’t mean what I said. You know me, I speak nonsense when I am angry.” he pleaded. She had to believe him…forgive him!

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on
On the concrete

Khushi finished her packing and put the bag aside and looked straight at him.

“Okay, I’m listening” she said, unemotionally.

“Khushi, you know how much di means to me, you know I cannot control my anger when it comes to her safety.” he tried to explain.

“I do understand Arnavji. I get it, because I love di too.”

He sighed in relief and walked over to her, bent to pick up the bag, only to have her push him away. When he looked up confused, she continued.

“I understand why you did it, but this farce cannot continue anymore. I’m leaving.” she said, with finality.

Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I’m letting go tonight
Yeah, I’m falling from cloud 9

“No. You are not going anywhere Khushi! Do you understand? We are married dammit! You cannot up and run away.”

“Who’s running Arnavji? Not me. I am just ending this fake marriage, if not today it has to end tomorrow. Why prolong it and make both our lives miserable?” she inquired.

“Khushi, don’t make decisions when you are angry.” pleaded Arnav.

She scoffed, he was one to talk! “I didn’t Arnavji. I just realized that I cannot be the scapegoat anymore. Not for di, not for mami and definitely not for you.”

“I realize my mistake in not telling you about Shyam. But I sincerely hope you believe me when I say that I had the best of intentions. I really did think he would change. But my mistakes end there.” she said with determination.

“I will not let you, or anyone, blame me for that sick man’s perversion!”

I’m wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I’m wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no
I’m wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Outta the lion’s den
I don’t have to pretend
And it’s too late
The story’s over now, the end

“Khushi I don’t blame you!”

“No? Isn’t that what you said a few hours ago? That I am the one to blame for everything? That if I didn’t exist,” she paused to take a deep breath, lest she sob, because no matter how strong she wanted to be, it hurt! “If I didn’t exist then you could all have lived in the happy little bubble of yours?”

“But Khushi, you have to understand, I didn’t mean it!”

“They say truth comes out when you are angry Arnavji. But even if I do believe that what you are saying is true, I cannot stay, because I will always live in fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to blame me, because I am the only one who takes your crap!” she was screaming now.”Well, sorry, but not anymore!”

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on
On the concrete

“I love you Arnavji, there, I said it. I love you, but I cannot forgive you.” she whispered.

He looked up in shock, but couldn’t utter a single word in his defense because she was right, he couldn’t guarantee her stability in their relationship, not when he was so messed up himself.

“This will be for the best, so please let me leave. And tell everyone that I love them…please. I cannot face them.”

With that she picked up her bag, and left his room…his life.

Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I’m crashing from the high
I’m letting go tonight (yeah, I’m letting you go)
I’m falling from cloud 9

Arnav was waiting for a flight to US when he saw her. It had been 2 years now. Payal and everyone in her family refused to give him any information regarding her whereabouts.

But seeing her now, even after so long, he felt his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

“Khushi?” he whispered, afraid that even a small sound would disturb this beautiful dream.

He saw her turn around with a smile on her face, that slowly slid off as she realized who had called her.

She turned back to look at someone, and that is when he realized that there was a man with her.

She whispered something to the man, and started walking toward him.

I’m wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I’m wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I’m wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I’m wide awake
But I’m not blind anymore…

“Hello Arnavji.” she said with a smile.

Her greeting was polite enough, nothing like what he expected her to be when they met again.

“Khushi! I am so sor…” he stopped when she lifeted a hand to stop him.

“It’s okay Arnavji” she said again, with that irritating smile still in place. “It’s all in the past. I’ve moved on.” she said.

“I can see that.” he grit out, unable to stop his anger from creeping in, but he was hoping that she would laugh at his assumption, tell him he was crazy for thinking such thoughts.

Her smile brigtened a little more, grating on his nerves. “Yes, Abhi is my fiance.” she said pointing at the man behind her.

Arnav felt his blood run cold at her words. It couldn’t be…

“Fiance?” he whispered, in a daze.

“Yes, we are getting married this summer.” she added.

And this broke Arnav’s stupor, and a red glaze enveloped him, plunging him in his anger.

“Married? I thought you had all these morals about getting married once, and staying true to your husband?” he mocked.

“Yes, I did, I still do. He will be my first real husband, and I intend to uphold all my morals.” she said, now getting a little irritated herself, but not letting it show.

She had had a lot of time to think about him, and them, together, had a lot of time to prepare for this confrontation.

I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
Yeah, I’m falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)

I’m crashing from the high
You know I’m letting go tonight (yeah, I’m letting you go)
I’m falling from cloud 9

What the f**k did she think she was doing?

“Do you love him? Does he make you heart rate increase? Does he make you tingle all over when he touches you?” he asked, in one last ditch effort to make her see sense.

Khushi looked up at him thoughtfully.

“No. No he doesn’t.” she said, and a slow smile creeped up onto Arnav’s face, awaiting a victory.

“He doesn’t…but, he makes me happy…no happy is not the right word, he makes me content.” and she saw his smile recede.

“He doesn’t make my heart go dhak dhak, but his presence gives me a comforting warmth. His touch doesn’t send me into a frenzy, but it lets me know that he’s there for me. That he’ll always be here for me.” she said in a content tone.

“And Arnavji? The all consuming, passionate, frantic love we shared once upon a time, is not all it’s cut out to be. Destructive is what it is.”

“He might not make me ecstatic, but he doesn’t throw me in pits of despair either.”

With that said, she turned around and went over to Abhi, squeezing his hand when he took her hand and wrapped his fingers around hers.

And Arnav realized with a sinking feeling, He had lost her…forever.

I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake



7 thoughts on “ArHi OS : Wide Awake

  1. wow!!!

    Khushi is so strong to move on with her life and be with someone that doesn't have her on a roller coaster ride all the time.

    Arnav is still stuck in his past trying to put his Di first and ultimately being alone forever.

    He lost the only person that truly loved him for himself.

  2. Sad but Arnav said some very unforgiving things to her after Anjali’s hospital episode. It still makes me cringe wondering how could he, who knew Shyam’s duplicity so well could blame Khushi knowing how much he has already tortured her with his words.

  3. No matter what, Rida, for me it will always be Arnav ad Khushi hamesha. So, this one is kind of depressing. Was so hoping she would give him a chance.nof course anyone knowing Arnav knows how he reacts in situations where Di is compromised in any way! And ofcourse Khushi was rightfully disturbed. But Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada was always someone who would fight for her love, I believe. So unexpected, but beautifully written as usual. Take a bow! Surprised I had not read this one till date!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s