She was seeing the blood dripping onto the floor with passive interest, and maybe a hint of relief. The pain was finally oozing out of her, drop by drop. And it would all be over soon.
This was not the first time she attempted to kill herself. She remembered her first botched attempt to kill herself. She realized that she was way too dramatic back then. Hell, drama was her middle name. And in true Khushi style she had planned out her dramatic suicide. She has written her will, said goodbye to everyone and climbed the highest terrace to kill herself. She was doing it for him then, she wanted him to be free, so she decided to remove herself from the equation.
But he had arrived on time, to save her. Her knight in shining armor. He had saved her, but in the next moment he had killed her too. He had killed her soul.
“I know about your affair with Shyam”
“How much time did it take to make up that story?”
“I have to breath the same air as you…Disgusting!”
“I like to see you suffer because I HATE YOU!”
She took it all. For the past five months she had absorbed his anger and still tried to stay her positive self. She had realized something the day she tried to kill herself, when she returned home with him, she had been a shell of herself. Then she had seen her Bauji look at her with concern and pain in this eyes. She faked a smile for his sake and saw him relax. She realized that she would have to be the most selfish person in the world to put her father through the pain of loosing his child. She couldn’t bear to think that, he would blame himself for her death, think that he was a bad father, when nothing could be further from the truth. So she had lived for her Bauji. Her amma, buaji and jiji loved her, she knew that, but they could also shun her in a minute if she did something wrong. Her chaotic marriage had taught her that. But her Bauji would always love her like his own, and for him she would suffer through her life.
But that all changed last night. Her Bauji had a stroke again. And this time, he had passed away secure and happy in the knowledge that his daughters were safe.
So she decided to end it all. This time there was no will, no tearful goodbyes, no diving to her death. A clean and simple cut with a knife had done the job. She did not shed any tears since her Bauji died.Why would she, when she knew she would be joining him soon? She was content, almost bordering on happiness to see her parents again. She also wanted to meet maa, after all, she had to apologize for not being the bahu that his mother wanted her to be.
She felt at peace after a long time. She smiled. She would be with her loved ones soon.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My time has come, and so I’m gone. To a better place, far beyond. I love you all as you can see. But it’s better now, because I’m free. – Anonymous