Writing

I read something this weekend, in between writing something of my own, and it was so beautifully written that for a minute I considered quitting my own writing. Nothing I could create could possibly be so beautiful. It wasn’t necessarily driven by self-pity, I don’t think, it was just a surety that I am not capable of what that writer had been, that this stranger had somehow conveyed my own thoughts on a matter, articulated it in such a perfect way, as even I hadn’t been able to. 

We create because we have an intrinsic need to connect. To share a piece of ourselves, the way we view the world under the veiled protection of a character: This is how I see the world, the way I feel, my experiences, fears, dreams and hopes. Do you see it too? Do you feel what I feel?

But something is always lost between thought and words and something more between writing and reading. Imagine transferring a liquid from one container to another, then into another one from that and so on. Each time you transfer the liquid, you leave some residual behind, stuck to the container, and by the time you get to the tenth or the twentieth container, your liquid’s going to be considerably lighter. I think thoughts are similar, we always leave something behind, because it is the nature of transference. 

Which is why my writing always feels lacking to me. Incomplete. Ineffectual. Inefficient. 

On the heels of that initial thought though, another followed. This writer, who had caused such an enormous, fundamental shift in my thought, wouldn’t ever know how I felt in that moment. I could never possibly convey it. The distance between thought and words. 

And so I wonder, even though I wouldn’t ever know, if I had touched someone the same way as well. If perhaps, something I created, no matter how deficient in my own opinion, might have been exactly what someone needed to feel seen, heard and understood. Valued. 

Maybe that is why we create. To pay it forward. 

WangXian OS: Hunger Pangs

Hunger Pangs

Lead Pairing : Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Rating : T

Genre : Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Word Count : 4000+

Status : Complete

Chapters : 1/1

Summary : 

It takes 16 years and a reincarnation before Wei Wuxian feels full.

Alt: “I’m hungry” as code for “I’m sad”.

Links : Ao3


So…might’ve fallen in love with a new show. I haven’t experienced this much of an itch to write since 2012, which is saying something. Expect more to come in this world.

If you’re a fellow WangXian addict, hit me up! Would love to talk about the show, I do it anyway, would look less insane if I had company.

If you’re not, may I suggest spending some time catching up on it? The world is so rich, the characters so layered and the love story is unlike any that I’ve experienced and they don’t even say I love you ONCE. It’s called “The Untamed” and it’s available on Netflix.

Lastly, I know ITM is just…lying there catching dust but I’ve just not been doing well mentally and I don’t think I have the energy to spend on something that doesn’t come easily to me right now. I’ll one day revisit it. I’m not sure when. And I certainly hope it’s not an if. But please accept my apologies for leaving you all on a cliff-edge multiple times with that story.

Love,
Ridz

Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon? – Update + Request

Hello!

It’s been a while since I posted an update on here about the podcast. Don’t worry, thanks to my co-host the podcast is still going well and strong. On that front, two updates from me:

  1. I am going to take a step back from the podcast in that I won’t be on every episode. Work’s been kicking my butt so I can’t dedicate the time I should to it. As such, my wonderful co-host S is looking for people who would be interested in being guests on episode discussions. If you’re interested please send an email to isspodcastkokyanaamdoon@gmail.com and we’ll get in touch with you.
  2. As you might have noticed, I won’t be updating the blogs when we have a new episode or discussion. The best way to keep up with the podcast is to subscribe to our channel on Youtube or Spotify.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Love,

Ridz

Ep#6 : ‘Welcome to Hell’ | Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon?

On this jumbo (sorry we had a lot to say) episode of Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon, we have a special guest (!) on to discuss the bulk of the office track. Everything from hell to Arnav’s high-horse, we talk about Khushi’s ingenuity, Arnav’s dogged pursuit of Khushi…’s defeat and how none of the employees in AR actually seem to do any work.

You can find it on Spotify here.

I also quizzed S so I can prove her for the IPK stalker she is. Move over, Shyam Manohar Jha, there’s a new Khushi fan in town.

With Love,

sign

Ep#5 : ‘Arriving At Delhi’ | Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon?

On this episode of Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon, we discuss the arrival of Lucknow Express – Khushi Kumari Gupta and Payal Gupta – at Delhi!  This current episode (which could qualify as a movie) covers the infamous third meeting of Arnav and Khushi and our favorite character, Lavanya Kashayp. We also cover the misadventures of the new trio – Sanka Devi, Payaliya & Buaji, a bit of our dearest Snake and a nod to our beloved, spectacled hero Akash. Hope you enjoy!

PS: We’re now on Spotify! Leave your thoughts here, on YouTube or anywhere else 🙂

With Love,

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Ep#4 : ‘Daiya Ho!’ | Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon? + Quiz 2!

On this episode of Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon, we discuss the entrance of one and only Snake Manure Jha as S puts it. We cover the press conference, Khushi and Payal’s little adventure to the news room and the Salman Khan-esque introduction to our infamous villian.

We’re also excited to announce that we’re now on Spotify! Check us out here.

And S turned host this week to quiz me on my IPK knowledge. See how I fared.

With Love,

sign

ArHi OS: Fire Meets Fate

Screen Shot 2020-10-26 at 1.20.32 AM

“Hey Jeff,” Arnav nodded, extending his hand in greeting. “Thanks for doing this on such short notice.” 

“No issues, one of my clients ended up cancelling so this worked out well,” Jeff replied, pulling out his equipment as he spoke. “I know we didn’t have much time to talk but did you have a theme in mind? And who’s the model we’ll be working with?”

“I think you’ll be familiar with her,” Arnav smirked, just as Khushi walked in, talking a mile a minute as was her habit, “Arnavji, what are we doing? Why did you want me to change here of all places? Are you finally taking me out on a date? You know, given how much I heard about your alleged dating abilities I really thought we’d….oh.”

“Khushi?” Jeff asked, surprised. He hadn’t thought she’d turn into a model, given the drama he’d been a witness to the last time she had been made to model, but maybe he had read her wrong. 

She recovered from the shock of finding him there quickly enough. 

“Jeff Bhaiyya!” she exclaimed, extending her hand out for a hug, and he commended himself for not flinching at that mnemonic. He had admired how smoothly she had done it even as he had been unable to hide the sting of rejection. 

“Hi Khushi, how are you?” he replied, stepping back from the warm hug she had extended him. Once he had gotten over himself, he couldn’t help but be touched that she remembered him still. There were people he called friends who didn’t message him and ask after his well-being as often as she somehow managed to. 

“I’m great. A bit confused,” at this she redirected her questioning eyes at ASR, “but good.”

“I thought the calendar shoot wasn’t for another month,” Jeff asked, equally as confused. 

Arnav smirked, which put Jeff on edge instantly. He had been unnaturally cruel the night of the photoshoot. For all the hype about ASR’s cutthroatedness, Jeff had considered him to be a firm but fair person, and his insistence that Khushi model in Lisa’s place, to the point of driving the woman to tears had surprised and discomfited him. But given how familiar Khushi had sounded a minute ago, he hoped he didn’t have to step in and diffuse the situation again. 

The fact that Arnav walked over and held Khushi’s hands in the next moment gave him some answers but only managed to raise many more questions. 

“Figured we could finally have our wedding photoshoot, Mrs. Raizada,” he said, in a tone so sweet Jeff had the insane urge to clear his ears lest he heard him incorrectly. 

His whispered “What?” was overshadowed by the gasp Khushi let out at this revelation. 

“Arnavji, I…you…what?” she continued, much more quietly, and the look in both their eyes made Jeff avert his own gaze. There was something so tender, something so unfiltered about how they were looking at each other that Jeff, despite how bewildered he felt at the moment, was left wishing he could capture that moment, freeze it in time. 

“I’m going to go setup,” he said, and it could have been announced to an empty room for all the attention the two were paying to anyone that wasn’t the other person. 

Looks like he had missed one hell of a development during his Europe trip. 

—–

“Arnavji! We received something from Jeff Bhaiyya!” Khushi exclaimed, walking into the room as she waved an envelope in her hand. 

“Jeff?” Arnav asked, half closing his laptop to focus on his wife. “I thought he said it’d take him a while yet to get the pictures back from the photoshoot,” something about editing and correcting as if Khushi didn’t look fucking amazing just as she was. 

Maybe it’s you, a tiny voice in his mind piped up, which he ignored swiftly. 

He had wanted to give the album to her as an anniversary present, but Jeff had ruined those plans spectacularly. 

“It must be a return gift,” Khushi said, pulling him out of his thoughts, and he waited for her to expand on her vague statement. With anyone else, he might have needed to ask a follow up question but he knew she would tell him the whole story without any prompting. “It was his birthday last week, na. So I sent him a card and Lucknowi camera strap. He must have sent me a letter back.”

“You know his birthday?” Arnav asked, confused. “Wait, you have his address?”

“Haan, he gave me his number right after the photoshoot,” Khushi said, and cringed and covered her ears lest her eardrums burst, when he screamed “WHAT!” 

“What what?” she asked, once he stopped muttering about killing and taking out a hit and never letting him into AR again, “I have everyone’s number. Manju Ji, Aman ji, Shukla ji, Chaman Lal ji, Kishori Lal ji. I also had Simji and Pamji’s number but…” well, her husband had unceremoniously fired them the first time he had heard them call her Chamkili when she visited the office after their wedding. 

“I should have fired them a long time ago, given how unproductive and nosy they were,” Arnav said, nipping her oncoming rant in the bud. He did not want to hear about how he shouldn’t make business decisions based on who had and hadn’t treated her right (which he didn’t…not really…okay maybe he did but she was his wife so sue him).

“Yatha raja tatha prajha,” she mumbled. 

“What?” he asked, not having heard her clearly. 

“Nothing, let’s open this, I am so excited to see what he sent,” Khushi replied, directing his attention to the package in her hand. She tore into the wrapping paper with the gusto of a ten year old, which made him smile. 

Her soft gasp shifted his attention away from her face to the object she was holding in her hands.

“Arnavji…” she called, “…this…you…”

His eyes shifted to the post-it attached to the image. 

Thought you’d like to have a reminder of your first photoshoot. Happy Anniversary you two. You’re dream subjects to shoot and I’d be happy to do it anytime.   

Jeff had sent them a framed image from the calendar shoot, probably a test shot that had captured them gazing at each other, and Arnav could see that he had been taken, completely and, as he later realized, irrevocably. This was the moment that had ignited a fire he couldn’t extinguish despite his best efforts, and now Khushi could see what he had tried to hide and failed. 

“Oh, this is so beautiful,” she said, tears springing to her eyes. 

“Khushi,” he sighed, pulling the photo out of her hands and settling it gently on the bed. “Har baat pe rona zaroori hai kya?”

She sniffed, hiding her face in his arms, even as he felt the wetness of her tears seep through his shirt. 

“I am crying because I’m happy,” she explained. “Who would have thought that we would be here given how we started.”

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer. He wondered if he’d ever feel like she was quite close enough. No matter how many times he hugged her, it felt like a wonder, this feeling of home.

“I don’t think I ever stood a chance,” he confessed, his eyes flitting over to the picture sitting on the bed. He had been in too deep before he had even realized he’d fallen. 

“Stop saying sweet things,” Khushi grumbled, squeezing him back equally as tightly. “Or I won’t stop crying and you’ll be left saying what the, what the…”

He chuckled and placed a kiss onto her hair, letting himself live in the moment, experiencing the enchantment of being in love with the woman in his arms, one he never wanted to recover from.    

“Khushi?” he whispered after what felt like a minute or an eon, he couldn’t quite tell the passage of time when he was around her, and received a hum in reply, at once an acknowledgement that she was listening and an indication that she wasn’t in the mood to talk. “Why did you have Jeff’s address in the first place?”

“Because I needed to include him in my yearly shipments of rakhis, Arnavji,” Khushi replied in a tone that implied the duh

Arnav tried to control his snickers, he really did, but the image that popped up in his head when he imagined Jeff’s expression the first time he received a rakhi made him double over in laughter until he was gasping for air. 

Pulling her back into a hug, he kissed her on the side of her head, silencing her questions with a whispered, “Oh, I do love you Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada.”


AN: Bingala and I had a mini writing session and I ended up revisiting one of my favorite moments. Just a little random something, hope it made you feel…well, something. I hope everyone’s keeping safe and staying sane. Work and podcasting have been keeping me busy, but I have missed writing so hopefully, you’ll see a bit more of me soon enough.

My Index

Ep#3 : ‘Dargah’ | Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon? + Bonus Quiz!

On this episode of Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon, we discuss the famous (infamous if you were to ask the then ASR) Dargah meeting and all that it entails. We speak a little about what we didn’t like, a whole lot about what we liked and we also discuss how we both think this establishes who we know Arnav and Khushi to be, in our point of foucs segment.

I also tested S on her knowledge of IPK because we’re overachievers like that.

Hope you enjoy!

With Love,

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Halahal Movie Review & Discussion | Barun Sobti, Sachin Khedekar | Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon?

In this episode of Iss Podcast Ko Kya Naam Doon we venture into new territories by reviewing our first ever movie! One that’s been highly anticipated, as far as Ridz & S are concerned anyway. Halahal, starring Barun Sobti and Sachin Khedekar in lead roles is an unexpected take on a crime-solving duo of a corrupt cop and a grieving father, respectively. We split the review up into a non-spoiler and a spoiler section for your convenience. Hope you enjoy!

With Love,

rs