ArHi OS : Tears I Cry

“Arnavji?” she asked hesitantly. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, Khushi” he sighed “Stop hovering!” he said irritatedly.

Khushi sighed and watched him walkaway. It has been like this ever since they had got home and everyone had gotten to know Shyam’s truth.

She thought everything had changed for the better, after he was kidnapped. He had told her that he loved her, supported her when Shyam tried to accuse her of trapping him.

But nothing seemed right anymore. Not him, not her, and definitely not them.

But then again, when had they ever been normal?

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin’ could go wrong
 

“Khushi? I love you.” he whispered.

She was dreaming. That was the only explanation for hearing those words from him. Him! Who said he hated her with all his life!

And then, he had cut the call, and the dream was broken.

She had later come up with an explanation for why he said them, those three words that wrecked havoc on her emotions.

No! He only said them so that she would know he was in trouble, that’s it, and nothing more.

But the hope? Hope remained.

Now I can’t breathe
No, I can’t sleep
I’m barely hanging on

“Arnavji!” she yelled, “Please wait! You need to take the tablets!”

“I already took them Khushi” he grit out. “I am not a baby.”

He looked away, and said “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

I don’t need you. How easily he had dismissed her.

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

” Di is calling you for dinner.” she whispered.

“What’s hari prakash doing?” he didn’t even look up from his laptop. “He is not being paid for nothing.”

“He went to get some necessities” she whispered, and waited for him to look at her.

He sighed, as if it was a burden to him. “Let’s go.” he said, and banged the laptop shut.

He stormed out of their room. Their’s? No, just his.

Khushi paused for a moment to collect herself and then followed him.

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that’s left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
‘Cause I can’t breathe
No, I can’t sleep
I’m barely hangin’ on
 

“You don’t know anything about me, right? Not a problem, let me tell you! I was eight, when my mom and dad passed away in a car accident. Then..then I didn’t even know what death was. For a long time…I kept thinking that went somewhere, that they’ll be back”

She saw the sadness in his eyes, the guilt, but she couldn’t stop now. Not now that she had opened up for the first time in ten years!

“What else don’t you know? You probably wouldn’t know that even today, I think my parents turned into stars, that’s why I hang stars from my bed post.”

She couldn’t stop the tears now, despite trying so hard to not show weakness in front of him.

“Even after all these years, I am afraid of fast cars, of sleeping alone, of darkness. It has been so long, but I still feel like this is all just a nightmare, that I’ll wake up one day, and they’ll be back.”

And she waited, for him to crush her, even gave him the incentive. She didn’t understand why she told him all this, gave him more arsenal, despite knowing how capable he is of hurting her.

But he had surprised her, he had said “Sorry” in a chocked voice, leaving her confused.

She was better off when he was a complete monster.

——-

“Khushi? What are you doing?”

“Preparing the havan.”

“Khushi. I’d like you to not get involved in this.” he said in a even tone.

“What? But why?” she almost screamed “You know di needs help. She can’t do this all by herself!”

“Then HP or OP will help!” he screamed and stormed off, leaving her in tears.

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

“Why are you doing this?” she sighed.

She had ignored the issue for long enough.

“Doing what?” he asked without any emotion in his tone.

“Why are you being an asshole?” she screamed.

He looked up in shock at her language. Good!

“Khushi…what…?”

“You told me you loved me Arnavji! And now you act like nothing happened, and are behaving even worse than how you did before!” she yelled, frustrated.

“Khushi..” he said, as if he was speaking to a kid. “You know why I said what I said. I was in danger, I needed to alert you, and that was the only way.”

“No! No, it wasn’t and you know that! Why didn’t you tell Akashji something? Why me?”

“I don’t have to answer you Khushi! And this was a farce of a marriage anyway! The contract ends tomorrow.” he spoke, with his back to her.

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don’t cry on the outside
Anymore…
Anymore…

“Oh, I won’t wait till tomorrow Mr.Raizada. I wouldn’t want to be a burden!” she chocked out. “I am leaving now.” she said with finality.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She could not live with this indifference for the rest of her life. But somewhere she hoped, hoped that he would stop her.

He turned to look at her, with an unfathomable expression on his face.

“Good.” he whispered and stalked off to the poolside.

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

She packed up her bags, trying not to cry.

No! She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry!

“Khushi?…Khushi, don’t cry!”

He was so convincing though, no wonder the kidnappers fell for it, she did herself. She laughed a bitter laugh at her own naivete.

Here I am, once again
I’m torn into pieces
Can’t deny it, can’t pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won’t get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
 

She packed her bag and turned to leave, but she couldn’t. There was something stopping her, that was telling her that what she was doing wasn’t the right thing.

That look. The look she saw in his eyes, she had seen it before.

The pain, the longing, the helplessness.

“Hamare dhadkane ek ho jaati hain”

He had the same look in his eyes then, like he was saying something he shouldn’t , but still hoping that for once fate smiled at him, and gave him what he hadn’t asked for.

That bas***d!

Khushi ran to the poolside and pulled him around by his elbow and..

SLAP!

“Khushi…what the?”

And the next second, he almost toppled over from the force of her hug.

“Don’t you ever ever do that to me again! I know why you are doing this! You feel guilty! You feel bloody guilty and you want to “set me free!” Bull shit! What I need, what I want, is you! You are not getting rid of me that easily!” she cried into his neck.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her.

She was a stubborn fool, but his fool.

And he was one lucky bas***d to have her!